076 - Anne Scottlin - Joy Expert, Confident & Leadership Coach, Author, Podcaster, Actress, Humanitarian talks about growing up in a cult like environment and how she escaped the mental trap to become a joy expert

Anne shares her childhood story, growing up in a highly religious, cult like environment, how she escaped the mental trap, got through a devastating divorce and loss of community while coming out the other side as a joy expert. Anne Scottlin is an Emotional Wellbeing Specialist, Trainer, Consultant, Best Selling Author and Actress, among other things. Anne established The Power of Joy Institue, where she offers workshops and courses around emotional wellness solutions for business professionals and college students. Her book, Live for Joy blends her insights while giving practicial techniques that create her Power of Joy system. Not to mention, Anne has starred in national and international films as well as television and commercials. 

https://www.annescottlin.com/

Transcript

Anne Scottlin Transcript

[00:00:00] Jolie Downs: Today we are speaking with Anne Scotland. Anne is an emotional wellbeing specialist, trainer consultant, best selling author and actress among other things.

[00:00:12] Anne established the power of joy Institute, where she offers workshops and courses around emotional wellness solutions, both for business professionals and for college students, her book live for joy, blends her insights while giving practical techniques that create her power of joy system. Not to mention Anne has Starre in national and international films, as well as television and commercials.

[00:00:38] I'm really excited to learn more. Anne, thank you for joining us on fresh blood, please. Could you tell us a little bit more about your story in getting to where you are today?

[00:00:47] Anne Scottlin: thank you, Jolie. Thank you so much for having me. It's such a pleasure to be here and I'm so excited to finally meet you. Where would you like me to start?

[00:00:53] Jolie Downs: Tell me a little bit about your upbringing, because I actually read that you had an interesting upbringing.

[00:00:58] Anne Scottlin: I did definitely an atypical American upbringing. I grew up in a very right wing religious community. I will not call it the C word, but pretty close cold, 

[00:01:11] But very extreme right wing Christian. But so non mainstream, no television no popular music, no fiction. We only ate vegetarian.

[00:01:21] No dancing, no alcohol, no caffeine, long dresses, very conservative traditional patriarchal organization of the family. So I was homeschooled until I was 15 and a half. I'd never been to a regular school. 

[00:01:38] Jolie Downs: Okay. Fascinating. Cause because everything is controlled that you've learned at 

[00:01:41] Anne Scottlin: Yes, controlled. And I have had such limited exposure to the world that I actually don't think it's odd. And I'm a first board of three and also, type a Capricorn gogetter. So I embraced everything 110%. And I figured if this is what life was that I could probably do it at least as good or better than anyone else, including the adults.

[00:02:05] So I pretty much set off to try 

[00:02:08] Jolie Downs: yeah. Yeah. This is fascinating. So what happened because clearly you're not 

[00:02:14] Anne Scottlin: Yes. 

[00:02:15] Jolie Downs: along those 

[00:02:16] Anne Scottlin: so yes. So I eventually did get to go to a tiny, private religious high school which. Not so much different from the way I'd been raised and taught, but at least there were, 60 or 70 other kids, which was fantastic because I'm a people person. So I was just like, so excited to 

[00:02:34] Jolie Downs: yeah. What was that like being homeschooled and then going into that situation, even if there it's similar upbringing, what have you, that still has to feel crazy? 

[00:02:43] Anne Scottlin: It was weird. It was weird because I guess my whole family has a somewhat social personality to a certain extent. So like meeting people, talking to people that wasn't a problem. what

[00:02:55] was interesting and surprising was that I didn't really know how the world worked around things like? teamwork and misunderstandings and hurt feelings and what failure meant and being the kind of kid I was.

[00:03:10] And the kind of personality was, I was extremely hard on myself. So if a friend had a spat with you and wouldn't talk to, or a guy you might like, was distancing or you felt like you let a teacher down or anything, I took these things very deeply and internally, I didn't know how to separate, I guess I would call in my mind then failure from just normal social interaction.

[00:03:33] So that was the hardest adjustment. And I started dealing with a lot of depression right away. Even though I was having a great time. It was offset by a lot of confusion and sort of deep depression. 

[00:03:46] Jolie Downs: Yeah. When you said this is your 

[00:03:47] Anne Scottlin: Yes. I'm a teenager, 

[00:03:49] Jolie Downs: So much happening and just in general, to throw you into such a whirlwind that has, that had to been, was there anything that helped you deal during that time that that brought you comfort that might relate to other 

[00:04:01] Anne Scottlin: yes. So one of the things growing up that I had a tremendous advantage of was living out in nature. When I was born, we were still in a town environment, but then we went out to do the extreme rural lifestyle, which kind of very much fit my parents' mindset. And because of that and I had no other kids anywhere, my age I just spent an enormous amount of time in nature and completely fell in love Nature became. My, my soulless, I still call nature my cathedral. . If I'm really gonna go to a place where I'm grounded and centered or whatever, I wanna call worship, put me in a nature environment. And I instantly something just clicks like a wholeness comes to me. And I know that it's a bit of a gift, cuz not everyone senses that I have a baby brother who it's not that he hates nature, but he hates outdoor activities.

[00:04:48] He hates being away from his TV or his drink or whatever. And I'm just like, and we tease him. We're like, how did you grow up in this family of like hikers and sleeping under the stars and all this kind stuff. But for me it was the opposite. I found nature being. My Sola and really connecting and right now why I'm not in my normal studio is cuz I'm in The Bahamas working retreat right now.

[00:05:10] And if I leave this house and go down, it goes right on the beach and I can just sit there with the wind by the pool. And it's about 77 degrees. I'm like, I know you really do no it's amazing, but it's a real gift again. So whenever I get to just be in that environment, it's so nature really helped me also may sound funny, but as an extension of nature, I'm extremely close to animals.

[00:05:37] And I think that was foolishly domestic pets, obviously, cuz that's easier. But I think because I lacked sort of social support I found a huge relatability in animals. So to this . I mean I still have three dogs. That's a healing thing too. I say, yes, I say, I don't care what you wanna call them. They're still my emotional support animals and if I don't have a dog, which I didn't for a little while, cuz one of my really dear old friend, dog had passed away. I felt it deeply not the loss, but the connection. And I was at peace with him passing. He was 15 and a half. 

[00:06:14] Jolie Downs: I was gonna say, how was that? Cuz I'm I have my first dog right now. 

[00:06:18] Anne Scottlin: wow. 

[00:06:19] Jolie Downs: I can't even imagine. I can't even imagine I'm like, oh God, that's just gonna be horrifying. Hm Yeah.

[00:06:24] Anne Scottlin: it is. And especially literally I raised him from a puppy and he was a Labrador and he lived 15 and a half, which was crazy. So he had a very nice life. But it was just gut wrenching because he had, that's a thing I really bonded with animals because I felt like they were consistent with me.

[00:06:39] So in my upbringing, there was a lot of mixed messages, certain amount of hypocrisy, as you might imagine. And other things like that. And with the animal, you knew exactly where you stood with a dog. There's no lying. There's no beating around the Bush. There's no pretense. It's just straight up what they are in the moment, which is just so beautiful to me.

[00:06:56] That's what I wanna be anyway. 

[00:06:57] Jolie Downs: I completely 

[00:06:58] That's it's such beauty. 

[00:07:00] Anne Scottlin: Yes, such beauty. So when I lost him about six months, I was at peace cuz he'd had a great life, but I got really depressed and I could not put my finger on it. And then I said, I'm not gonna get a dog for five, 10 years. I can't go through that separation again.

[00:07:12] It was too painful. And then I stumbled across a little homeless dog and ended up being completely spontaneous, which I never do taking the dog home, et cetera, et cetera. And literally within a week, my depression lifted. So I was like, okay, so now I am learning the tools and I teach emotional wellness as and joy.

[00:07:32] So the tools, one of the tools for me personally, to be whole and at peace and grounded is nature is having a pet in, particularly for me, a dog that I can just be in my normal space all the time and I can interact with. So those were some of the things that got me through the tough years.

[00:07:50] Jolie Downs: those are gifts. And that's a gift to know that about yourself, too, what it is that brings you that joy. And I can, I'm completely right there with you nature. It's that place of connection. There's just something where everything it brings into, for me, at least it brings into perspective of what is important and what is not.

[00:08:08] It brings into the wholeness of who I am and why I'm here as to the spec of what I am. In this grand universe, which really helps put things in perspective. But yes I love it's it's my 

[00:08:21] Anne Scottlin: Oh, I love hearing that. Cuz it's love to have a fellow lover of nature. You can just feel that connection. It's it's a sense of balance mid chaos, I think for me, because even nature has violence, nature has destruction. Nature is wild and tamed, but it also has a certain symmetry and balance.

[00:08:39] And I always tell my clients I'm like, Part of nature and I don't call it. therapy cuz I'm not a therapist, but I'm like like your nature therapy is remembering that you're part of nature. It's not you looking out at nature walks in your shoes, nature sees out your eyes, you are nature. And instead of me versus that when you embrace your organic wholeness you really start to find a place of calm that we just don't find in the normal daily rush of society and media and people and jobs and money and cars.

[00:09:14] And you ah, this is where I was created to be. The rest is just all on top. 

[00:09:19] Jolie Downs: Yes. I love how you put that. It was perfect now. I'm curious. Let's get back cuz I'm wondering, how did you break what cracked opened your mind to, to see, what you'd been taught versus what is 

[00:09:34] Anne Scottlin: Sure. No, it was very, so I had, very little exposure of any kind to the outside world, of course. But only college my parents would let me go to, was an extremely conservative Christian, basically a Bible college. And I decided to take two majors. I'd had a real privilege. My sophomore year of high school by kind of a freak of nature, cuz I didn't have a lot of money to go on an international trip to Europe on a study 

[00:09:57] Jolie Downs: Oh, wow. 

[00:09:58] Anne Scottlin: weeks. 

[00:10:00] Jolie Downs: Amazing. 

[00:10:00] Anne Scottlin: changed my life. I was 

[00:10:03] Jolie Downs: Yeah.

[00:10:04] Anne Scottlin: wow. And I had grown up on religious history and certain comp composite amounts of real history in the sense of has supported religious history. So I recognized a lot of elements in Europe from say Christian history and so on and so forth. And I was just enamored by the art, the architecture, just the entire thing.

[00:10:25] When we got to go to seven countries in those three weeks, and I just, I was, I didn't even know a soul on this trip. I just basically won a spot to make it easy story with people all much older than me. I was, I think, 16, 17, and that literally changed my life. So from that year every subsequent year in high school, I found a way to travel.

[00:10:43] Even if I didn't have money, I would coordinate a mission trip. I would recruit other people to go on a history tour, cuz I really started falling in love with history. Don't mind 

[00:10:56] Jolie Downs: I'm sorry

[00:10:57] Anne Scottlin: at all. I have three. You can only imagine how much noise they make. 

[00:11:02] Jolie Downs: if anyone, if any, if anyone comes and parks by the house, she just starts going crazy. Someone's 

[00:11:08] Anne Scottlin: absolutely. No please. So ups man comes. I dread him coming during a podcast. 

[00:11:15] Jolie Downs: Shut the door. Cuz she O she actually opens the 

[00:11:17] Anne Scottlin: Oh yeah, 

[00:11:17] Jolie Downs: hear her.

[00:11:18] Anne Scottlin: problem. It's a great name, melody. I love it. 

[00:11:33] Jolie Downs: Yeah, she's able to open my office door. So

[00:11:35] Anne Scottlin: nice. Great name too. Melody. No, no smart dog. Yeah.

[00:11:43] No. Sure. So Yeah.

[00:11:45] I got clean cut, so I really got to see a completely different lifestyle. I got, I started really falling in love with history and this is what, and I made sure that somehow I was able to travel to Europe or abroad or something every year after that, even on limited budget.

[00:12:00] And so when I did go to college, even though it was a very conservative religious college, I decided to double major, I did the appropriate religion. And then I also chose history. And that was the beginning of the crack in the egg, if you will, because I started absorbing, I'm fascinated by sociology, psychology, obviously history stories, people.

[00:12:22] And I started seeing how there were parts of history that supported the way I had been raised and what I'd been taught. And then there were parts that didn't fit, or there were parts where, you know, when you're in an extreme community, you're you're taught in an elitist mindset. It might not be prejudice per se, but it is against other people who don't believe like you.

[00:12:44] And so I started realizing, first of all, like this wasn't the first group that's ever been like this, like there've been these situations since all time, that there's a cycle understanding, my group had a profit, if you will. So understanding how many other religions and, groups have had these expectations that, if they were Christian groups, they had already believed for 2000 years in like a second coming, that they thought would happen in their lifetime.

[00:13:09] So I just, kinda started having this mind opening wow. Moment. And that was the beginning. And I did, I finished both those degrees and was definitely planning to go on to graduate school. And I met my husband in college and he was of the same faith. And so we got married, I got married really young 21 which now just seems crazy, but oh my goodness.

[00:13:30] That was what you did. And he was less conservative. He was a little bit more moderate, which was good, but I was so unprepared for the real world. I went out, I got a job. He didn't want me to travel away. I would've gonna have to travel part-time in order to get the degree I wanted the post grad degree and he didn't support that.

[00:13:47] That was discouraging. So just getting a local job to make do. And I guess I just started going through a lot of. Internal turmoil. Sometimes I was jealous of some of those other kids that I knew from say high school who literally just went off. The deep end, went crazy, became party animals.

[00:14:05] I'm like, I just couldn't doer. I and I'm like, but for me I'm an intellectual. So everything was like an agonizing personal crisis, everything, like way of thinking and like how you behave and dress. And, I think I got my ears Pierce when I was like 26 and I felt guilty for years, there's just this. Yeah. Yeah. So wrestling out situation and also of really lost my identity a bit. I was in love. My husband was fantastic provider but very caught up in his own career and I just became, oh and so's. and if you will, a very late version of sort of a 1950s mindset and I got lost in that shuffle, except I always knew that I was born to lead and to teach and to mentor.

[00:14:57] And I, I just, it felt really weird. So when I found out eventually that he had very strong sociopathic tendencies that he had other wives and houses and cars in other states. 

[00:15:11] Jolie Downs: Holy. Are you serious? What your husband had other wives?

[00:15:14] Anne Scottlin: other women, some of which he later married, but people he had, he is buying them houses and cars and, 

[00:15:21] Jolie Downs: oh 

[00:15:21] Anne Scottlin: one was pregnant.

[00:15:22] I 

[00:15:22] Jolie Downs: you find that out? Holy 

[00:15:24] Anne Scottlin: I 

[00:15:25] Jolie Downs: I'm 

[00:15:25] Anne Scottlin: no, I know. 

[00:15:27] Jolie Downs: I have a lot 

[00:15:27] Anne Scottlin: Actress, so out real easy, so I'll try to contain myself as well, but 

[00:15:31] Jolie Downs: Why would

[00:15:32] Anne Scottlin: I know I suspected something was wrong for maybe a year and a half, two years, but I was very, I was in a very codependent with him and I also believed in the best in everyone. I also didn't know any of the signs of, 

[00:15:48] Of gross, cheating. And I just I just started having the, carrying the sick feeling around and pit in my stomach just every single day, and he was a very jealous person. Again, he didn't want me to go to grad school cause I'd have to spend two nights a week away from home. Then he started spending long amounts of time away from home cuz he had to travel for business. And then when I wanted to go get a graduate degree and I wanted to do some original European research.

[00:16:11] And so one summer I wanted to go to Germany to study German and he's Yeah.

[00:16:16] sure. Go. And I'm like, That does not sound right at all. I had this really sinking feeling and in the end I started getting physically ill. I had bleeding ulcers. I was really a mess. And at some point I finally just said, that's it.

[00:16:30] I have to fi I'm gonna have to find out cuz I could not catch him or figure out what was going on. So I had to borrow money from a friend's brother. like I had to borrow money from a friend's brother.

[00:16:40] to hire a PI a private detective because

[00:16:44] Jolie Downs: friends,

[00:16:45] Anne Scottlin: my yes,

[00:16:46] cuz my husband controlled every penny which changed, how I relate to money and relationships for the rest of my life as well. And just having, being controlled in every aspect. So from, at this point in my life, I have never not been in a environment where I wasn't being controlled, whether 

[00:17:02] Jolie Downs: You've experienced what it was like to be a woman a hundred years 

[00:17:05] Anne Scottlin: did, I basically grew up in literally 18 hundreds looking dresses and in a mindset like that. And then you just go from your parents' house almost to your husband's house and this whole thing.

[00:17:16] And even though I had more freedom and I had, changed, I've dressed of course, and things like that still just didn't really? have a grasp. So once it, it took a while for this detective to even this guy was Good That's why I say the kind of tendencies, cuz there's a certain type of person who can reinvent themselves, who can pathologically lie and they don't feel guilty.

[00:17:36] They don't even, it just doesn't phase them. And that is sociopathic. So when he finally was caught found out and I served him papers and of course you have to remember too. I could have just divorced him a couple years before because I could have said we were just incompatible.

[00:17:52] We weren't communicating. He was never home. There was something really wrong. All these things. But I had a moral compass that didn't permit divorce. And for me, that would basically send me to hell and it, and I would admit utter failure in my marriage, which I don't do utter failure. so I'm like, that's not gonna work very well.

[00:18:16] I'd rather die trying. I finally served in papers. I was nervous. I literally

[00:18:22] Jolie Downs: I just wanna applaud you for that. For fine, those papers, for hiring the private investigator for following your gut on that, I just applaud you for that. I can only imagine the difficulty of that situation and all of that time period for you. Just really congratulations for doing that for 

[00:18:39] Anne Scottlin: let thank you. Thank you. And what I learned most was because of the way I was raised and we all are, but especially because of the ways I was raised, I was very critical and judgemental of people who I felt. Fall short. 

[00:18:51] Jolie Downs: I'm sure you were very critical of yourself, 

[00:18:53] Anne Scottlin: yes. Enormously can't even explain. And that is a person That's a personality trait too, especially for me.

[00:18:59] So yes. 

[00:19:00] Jolie Downs: yeah. I find the people who are the most critical of others are really critical of themselves. They're living in their own jail and they're expecting others to live in that jail with them is what's 

[00:19:10] Anne Scottlin: totally, absolutely. And also though, even from a very conservative religious perspective, if I knew someone who had a failed marriage or got divorced I wasn't going around being obnoxious, but I had an instant like, oh

[00:19:23] they didn't try. They didn't think it was important. How come they didn't give it their best?

[00:19:27] How, it's just so easy to be judgemental of anyone. I don't care if it's about marriage or sex or sexual preference or anything else. If it's something that you personally don't agree with, it's really easy to say there's me versus that. Yes.

[00:19:41] Jolie Downs: Let's be honest. That's what religion teaches us versus spirituality, which teaches us that we're all want and we're all connected and we're all together in this together. It's not it's all of us together, not in us and them, but that's the problem with religion. It does 

[00:19:53] Anne Scottlin: It does. 

[00:19:54] Jolie Downs: create an us 

[00:19:56] Anne Scottlin: and it's a big issue. And for for all world religions that want to continue and do good in the world, these are issues they really need to address and find contemporary solutions to because if not, they'll eventually just cease to exist because if progressiveness amongst the society that learns to evolve and care and have compassion, can't be exceeded by that of the religious organizations in that society, the religious organizations cease to be really relevant.

[00:20:27] So I say to them.

[00:20:28] with a theology degree, be relevant. You need to figure it out, because if that's important to you, then you really have to find a way to be relevant. Yes. Remind me where we were. Cuz I got off on the 

[00:20:41] Jolie Downs: Yep. So I'm, so you're you served your husband papers and I can only you're, I can only imagine just that lost feeling that you must have had. 

[00:20:50] Did you go from there and how did you deal with.

[00:20:52] Anne Scottlin: First I went to my parents' house and surprised them completely. They lived in another state and ended up speaking with just my father. He was the only one home at the moment that

[00:21:03] I had just arrived from the airport to tell them what was going on. And obviously they didn't.

[00:21:10] It was I was very grateful. They didn't, they were grateful for my safety, cuz there'd been some issues of concern. They were grateful that I was fine. So there was support in that regard. Like you need to be safe. However, this family member said to me my father, since I already said it.

[00:21:25] So he said to me though so you realize if you feel like you need to get divorced, clearly you have, religious justification to get divorced if in our environment. But as long as you realize you'll still always be married to him in heaven. 

[00:21:45] Jolie Downs: So much to

[00:21:47] Anne Scottlin: and I'm just, I didn't say anything. Cuz what can you say when you're still, I I understood where he was coming from. I had didn't it hurt heck, but I didn't judge him for trying to be cruel. It was just him trying to help me understand based on his worldview. how things worked. But I was just so also incredulous and this, and also reactions I had from the religious community.

[00:22:11] I'd been in, even in my hometown where I'd been living with my husband were with exceptions. There were some really incredible people who stepped up, but in general, from an organizational standpoint, I got no support, mostly criticism. The only solution would be reconciliation, all these things. And I'm just, I'm like, when do you guys lose? The common sense that you were born with your God-given common sense. When did that just go out the window and you go back to a cut and dried text of some kind from thousands of years ago and say, this applies to everybody all the time. And I don't even mean to be blasphemous. Truly explain that to me.

[00:22:52] You know what I

[00:22:53] mean? I mean, Would you do this to your dog? No. are you serious? Would you do it to, Yeah, So what is done often in the name of religion that hasn't learned to forgive and encompass lovingly is criminal. And that's hard for me to say because I'm still a very deeply spiritual person as you are.

[00:23:12] And I recognize the value of spirituality, obviously. So then I really did have an Exor existential crisis because. I was like, Oh crap. Like I lost, I already lost my identity. I didn't get to fulfill my career that I wanted. The only person I'd ever really been in love with has just like utterly abandoned me.

[00:23:33] And now I don't even know if I believe what I grew up in, which was my only source of hope and faith, because I'm not getting any support there at all. I'm getting criticism and I'm being told that I did something wrong and I just don't. How do you function? And I isolated badly for, I basically do leave my house for a year.

[00:23:53] I quit working. I watched a lot of TV. There were two or three women in particular who did check on me who were, instrumental in making sure I was okay, but I didn't have, I was so humiliated by my failure in life. 

[00:24:08] Jolie Downs: Oh, God. I'm so sorry. You felt that way. That was such a, I was such a, to me, that's such a win. That was such 

[00:24:13] Anne Scottlin: I know? And I didn't see that at all. I just thought, 

[00:24:16] Jolie Downs: Yeah. I know it 

[00:24:17] Anne Scottlin: I never had a full-time job all by myself. I don't even know if I can support myself. I've never lived by myself. I moved from my parents' house to the dorm, to my husband's house. The day I got married, I, 

[00:24:29] Jolie Downs: no, that's a big deal.

[00:24:30] Anne Scottlin: am I supposed to even do in the world?

[00:24:32] Who am I? I have no idea what my sense of identity is anymore, because if anything, it was always wrapped up in my religion, my parents, my family, my husband. So now what so I decided to move back across the . country to where I was originally from, cuz at least I had a few friends on that side, but one in particular, I like, I literally picked a city where I had one friend I'm like at least I'll have one friend because it was very painful as in any broken relationship.

[00:24:59] And my ex was. 

[00:25:01] Jolie Downs: Look, one friend can 

[00:25:02] Anne Scottlin: can make all the difference my ex had been well known in our community. It was just excruciating to just be seen in public. Yeah, I said, that's it fresh start good, bad or indifferent, but that was a survival mechanism. And I said, I'm gonna do it. I moved across the country closer to family, not too close, but closer to family. 

[00:25:19] Jolie Downs: So you

[00:25:20] Anne Scottlin: closer to family and with friends and just settled down and got a grip, went back to grad school, which had been my dream for ages anyway. 

[00:25:27] Jolie Downs: Got to . Mm. So you you got to go

[00:25:28] Anne Scottlin: got to go back to my dream start pursuing, pursuing that and 

[00:25:32] Jolie Downs: so you got to start asking yourself what it is that you wanted and really figure that out. Cuz I would imagine you probably hadn't asked yourself that in a long 

[00:25:40] Anne Scottlin: no, I didn't really know that I deserved to have what I wanted 

[00:25:46] Jolie Downs: Isn't that? Isn't that 

[00:25:47] Anne Scottlin: and what's amazing to me now.

[00:25:50] Jolie Downs: that so many people feel

[00:25:51] Anne Scottlin: Yes. That's what I was gonna say. It's, what's so amazing. to me now. And this is just, one story. so many people feel that way? and I'm this age now, but there are still kids being raised like me in America right now.

[00:26:04] And if you don't believe it, someone who is significantly younger than me go read the book educated, and I just forgot 

[00:26:10] Jolie Downs: Oh, I loved that book. Oh, it was so 

[00:26:13] Anne Scottlin: cried the whole book. I had goosebumps the whole book because while her story was a more violent and ex slightly more extreme version than mine, so much of the programming and the messaging was.

[00:26:26] So close and so relatable, it was traumatizing. And a couple of my friends who grew up with me, or, around that time in high school, I've sent the book to also almost couldn't read it. It was So traumatizing for them, but understanding this isn't just a one off anomaly, like this stuff is still happening.

[00:26:43] There are, I've seen sprouting up on the web and I'm not currently affiliated with any of these, but Support groups, podcasts, YouTube channels, just around supporting and rehabbing extra conservative kids who are now decided they wanna go out in the real world and have a life. And don't have anyone to turn to.

[00:27:00] Don't have anyone to ask for advice. Some of 'em are homeless, living in their cars. They don't have anywhere to start. So this is a special need. If anyone happens to be listening to this and shares any version of my story, this is a special need that could really find a place. And this is something that I go to other countries they can't even process when I share my story, because they're like we grew up, grow up, watching Baywatch in this developing country and Yes.

[00:27:34] Jolie Downs: So much pop culture. You no,

[00:27:35] It's it's it is it's. It's crazy. And. And I'm really glad to hear that there are a lot of new resources that are popping up for people. It's clearly it's 

[00:27:44] Anne Scottlin: yes, no, absolutely. 

[00:27:46] Jolie Downs: So, you started going back to graduate school, you started asking yourself those question really dipping your toes in the water.

[00:27:53] I would imagine figuring things out. 

[00:27:54] Anne Scottlin: No, yeah. 

[00:27:56] Jolie Downs: so tell me about that time. Like, how did you, where did you go? How'd you figure things out for 

[00:28:00] Anne Scottlin: I was really still struggling with depression, even though I'd moved. Depression was really bad, still dealing with physical health issues, just from full breakdown. And after another year or so I just realized I can't do this anymore. I can't just be in breakdown forever.

[00:28:16] But I didn't feel like I had any strength left either. What do you feel empty and broken? If you feel broken but strong, you can push through. But I like that was gone. I was just like a wet noodle. I'm like, I don't even know. I don't have any, I have no motivation. And some of a mentor of mine had said, and now, I tell this to anyone is in that situation there's they said.

[00:28:37] If you feel really stuck, go find a way Right.

[00:28:41] now to give back to others. It's very specifically get out of your own head, get outta your own house, get into a space. So I went out and literally just joined up with one of my local amnesty international groups. I started doing petitioning, especially for international women in developing countries who had no freedoms or being held against their will.

[00:29:05] Interesting little connections. Mine might have been psychological and mental. Theirs might be physical or more. And all of a sudden I had purpose again, cuz I'm like, no, that is not okay. I have something to fight for again. And what I also started realizing was this is just my own personal take on. It was I can do my best to make, improve their life and their situation at the same time, if they were me.

[00:29:32] If they had my opportunities, I guarantee they would say, go do it, girl, go do it. We would love to do it. Be our token, go fulfill your dream, go to graduate school, stop being fearful and do it cuz guess what? You can, we can't do it for us if nothing else. And that also pushed me out because I, in that personality that it's easy for me to do something for someone else, but it's harder to do it for myself. 

[00:30:02] Jolie Downs: Yes.

[00:30:02] Anne Scottlin: Lots of us are like that. Yes.

[00:30:06] Yes.

[00:30:06] So I really ran with that and about the time I was finishing graduate school and I wanted to be a professor and I studied medieval history by the way, just. 

[00:30:17] Jolie Downs: I'm fascinated by that, by the way. There's so many avenues that I go 

[00:30:22] Anne Scottlin: Okay. So for another coffee, because I wrote my thesis on, I've always been a writer. I wrote my thesis on medieval women writers specifically, and the university created an award from scratch for that thesis because it was exceptional. And I still plan to turn that, adapt that into a regular popular book sometime in the near future.

[00:30:45] I hope so. 

[00:30:46] Jolie Downs: Oh, I would absolutely buy 

[00:30:47] Anne Scottlin: yeah. OK, good. It was fantastic. I You talk about women with odds against them who still had something to say that's that And you know why? And I have to tell you this one piece, cuz your listeners appreciate this too. So the reason we know they were women and not men, even though they wrote books, they're like, there's no way a woman could have written that book.

[00:31:03] in that.

[00:31:04] environment where women weren't permitted to write, et cetera.

[00:31:07] No man in his right mind would ever put a woman's name on his book. 

[00:31:11] Jolie Downs: Oh, yeah, 

[00:31:11] Anne Scottlin: Cause No one would ever read it. So we know these were women 

[00:31:15] Jolie Downs: good time.

[00:31:15] Anne Scottlin: these they're the only people crazy enough actually take their lives and their hands to get their message out. So right about the time I was graduating, I, we were in the middle of the recession and there were no jobs. All the people who have been doctorates for 10 years were getting laid off. I was like then now what? And I was walking through a classroom building one day and at the end of the hall, I have these, collegiate bulletin boards with all the pins in them and all the different colors of papers and flyers.

[00:31:45] And there was one in there for was a casting call and I was like, huh, 

[00:31:48] Jolie Downs: Uh Huh.

[00:31:49] Anne Scottlin: That's interesting. I'm like maybe I can make some money on the side doing something like acting. I don't know. What am I supposed to be doing with myself right now? Little did I know, but anyway, make money on the side. So I I was like why not?

[00:32:01] I I did write my first play when I was 10. Granted, it was just my family and like a couple friends from church who came, but I did do it. It was a religious play. It was a Christmas play. How could you go wrong with that? I did cast myself as Mary of course. 

[00:32:13] Jolie Downs: Of course. 

[00:32:14] Anne Scottlin: but yeah, so I'd always wrote, I'd always loved stories.

[00:32:17] So I said, I don't know what let's go see what nonsense about. So I called, I went in and it turns out it was for the ancient Greek play Estrada, which I don't know if you know anything about, but it's a 500 I'm guessing here guys, BC Greek play about powerful women. Li 

[00:32:39] Jolie Downs: Ooh. That's interesting. That's up your 

[00:32:42] Anne Scottlin: Oh my God. Yes. Li Estrada in an environment where the women are like, we need to take back some power and fix our country. So pretty dramatic. Pretty amazing. Of course, it's this massive play basically in all like old school. Even though it's translated from Greek, it's an old school English, it's kind of Shakespeare.

[00:32:59] It's very awkward. Somehow, by some chance I landed the part and it was for a small production. So my first acting gig ever was Liz strata on the stage. Oh my gosh. But I started really enjoying it.

[00:33:17] Jolie Downs: I feel like that's auspicious. I like that. 

[00:33:19] Anne Scottlin: I think so. I think

[00:33:20] Jolie Downs: I like that a lot. 

[00:33:21] Anne Scottlin: This is where, as you said, actress came into my personal rehab program of getting out into life. And pretty soon I was like, huh, maybe I should join a class. Maybe I should get some head shots. Maybe I should get an agent. And I started finding it to be therapeutic, which I've also met many other people now in that industry who have had similar experiences with finding it to be therapeutic in particular, for someone who never felt they had a voice. Now you can have a voice And you can't get in trouble.

[00:33:49] for it. Now you can play any character. Good bad, indifferent Spanky, doesn't matter. You can play any character and get affirmation for it. And the more in deep you go, the more affirmation you get. And I was like, oh, this is really interesting. So it was a real fun way of self development.

[00:34:09] I was very blessed to get some exceptionally good teachers. At the time I was in San Francisco area and then of course moved to LA and Who really a couple of them had really deep insight into how much the whole person. So if you was like a holistic healer teacher, not everyone did, but there was one or two teachers who really had a holistic approach to teaching the craft, which was 

[00:34:31]

[00:34:31] What you have in here and in here affects what you bring to the stage, what you bring to the set.

[00:34:40] And so realizing that, for example, I had no conflict resolutions no conflict talent at all. I don't know,

[00:34:47] how to count. I didn't know how to have a Really bad argument, cuz I had always been taught that having a big argument or blow wasn't good. I had to learn how to get angry. Of course I had all this inner angry.

[00:34:56] Bleeding ulcers, everything going in compressing, but I have terrified of expressing it and obviously realized that I had enormous amounts of rage I didn't even know was there. And so 

[00:35:08] Jolie Downs: need, did that help get out 

[00:35:09] Anne Scottlin: it did. It was traumatizing though, but it did help. Like it was really hard.

[00:35:15] It was going against so much of my programming in so many ways, but this was my unofficial therapy. and I I did get some traditional therapy too, just to clarify as we go. But Yes. but it was a tremendous opportunity to be creative for the first time because the arts weren't really encouraged in my environment growing up for obvious reasons you had, just like you're either gonna be basically you're gonna be a missionary one way or the other.

[00:35:38] That's how it works.

[00:35:39] Jolie Downs: It seems to me like a joyful therapy, almost, ti I mean, with your whole, it's a joyful way to get some personal therapy. Kinda like when I highway one 

[00:35:48] Anne Scottlin: yes. . Oh yes. Oh, in a good car. That helps too. Yes. And also for the first time, really getting to immerse myself in like-minded creatives, I'd never had the luxury of being surrounded by like-minded creatives, people who like stories and creation and people who, I'm an empath, people who had those kinds of deeper feelings and emotions, and it wasn't just a business mind, although I can do that too, but it was more like it didn't have to be religious to have soul to it, 

[00:36:19] Jolie Downs: no they're like contributing to your energy 

[00:36:21] Anne Scottlin: and their, and they're trying to tell stories to impact society in positive ways without a, an overarching agenda.

[00:36:29] Now sometimes people do use an, media as an agenda, obviously for film and television theater, but not as like the whole overall purpose, it wasn't like you had to join a certain religion or a certain sec, but it was more tell stories to open minds. And as soon as that kind of, I embraced that, I was like, oh yeah.

[00:36:47] Tell stories to open minds. I'm really into that. 

[00:36:51] Jolie Downs: Yeah, I am too clearly.

[00:36:53] Okay. So tell me more. So where did you go? How did you go from actress into this next realm of, cuz this whole, you have this whole study of joy in creating this joy Institute, your book, the art of joy. You're a joy expert. You're joy consultant, which I love by the way. That's the feeling I'm always trying to tap into, and it's what do you wanna feel today? It's joy. I'm so how did this happen? Where did that come to.

[00:37:17] Anne Scottlin: Yeah. So I had always known, I had known I had teaching skills, mentoring skills. Even when, way back when I was quite young, like in my religious environment, I was teaching like adult, church classes by the time I was 12, like I just, I had a gift, you understand? I had a gift and I knew how to use it.

[00:37:36] And so as I got more and more into acting, I had, I worked, I was studying with a studio who trained me to become a teacher. And in particularly started teaching the business side of acting, cuz I did have business training and experience to certain extent and a lot of creatives don't have, how do you run your.

[00:37:54] Your artistic business as an entrepreneur, how do you make money? How do you take care of yourself? So I ended up teaching classes around that and also doing a lot of one-on-one coaching and fell in love with coaching and realized that was one of my, heartfelt gifts Right.

[00:38:08] away. Cuz I love nurturing and mentoring. Yeah.

[00:38:12] And started realizing that it was more than business coaching. It really became whole person coaching because a lot of these actors, they're driven and they know what they, they want to do a certain thing and they don't have family that support them. Or they don't have like emotionally, even like they're against it, or they don't have any money at all, or, million of other issues.

[00:38:29] And so I really started falling in love with coaching and kept doing that for several years. And after a while I said, I'm gonna keep coaching creatives cause they're amazing. And I love it. But in order to make a living, cuz most creatives don't have a ton of money outta money. including may. I think I better go get certified to do corporate training and teaching as well so that I can just have an income and started teaching my students that as well.

[00:38:54] Like how do you have a balanced lifestyle? If you wanna be a creative, let's create a business plan for your life so you can support your dream. And when your dream starts making more money than your day job, then you can switch. 

[00:39:08] Jolie Downs: Yes. Yes. This is what I, that is the message. Yes. That's the message. Find the thing. You love start doing it now on the side. And as it grow, I even as it grows, you never know it'll leave and eventually it could lead to, you quitting your current job and you going that way, or it could lead to other things, but it will bring more

[00:39:27] Anne Scottlin: Yes, it'll be more joy. And I me tell you having met many of my many in Los Angeles actors who are living in their cars, who didn't have enough money to even get the head shots that they needed in order to get an agent in order to get a acting job is not fun to be a broke artist. And if you really wanna go in it for the long term, that is absolutely how you wanna go in it.

[00:39:48] And it, it doesn't matter how much of a right you think you have to be an artist. If you wanna be a miserable, starving artist, that's your choice. But I say, let's be an empowered option. Artist let's have options. Besides when you have that balance, you meet other people and your other careers. So yes, absolutely agreeing with you on the message.

[00:40:07] So what I did is I went to up Santa Barbara, they have the executive college of coaching there. So I studied there for a year, so I could get my, executive certification be able to, to coach and teach and train. So that was then then I was working on my niche and I started realizing that The pursuit of joy.

[00:40:25] had really become my, had become my focus.

[00:40:28] It had been with me my whole life, even when I didn't know it, because one of the interesting things of being re raised in an extreme religious or conservative environment was that one of the signs that you were doing it right, was to that you would be very joyful about it. But I found even as a kid who could detect hypocrisy and everything else, like right there, that I would go around with my smile on my face, but I wasn't happy.

[00:40:54] I was deeply depressed a lot of the time. And that this joy was a put on a mask I put on it. Wasn't authentic. Cuz I didn't have any, like I wasn't being who I was meant to be. I was being a pawn in someone else's board and it wasn't fun, but I had to pretend it was fun. This is. yes. not doing this. And then through my training, my marriage, all of that. And so I said, yeah. I differentiate just for my own purposes and branding between happiness and joy, just to create a little distinction because they're clearly first cousins, but for me, happiness has been a little used and abused in media, in marketing.

[00:41:30] It's all about what you have and what clothes you have. And if you're right with the Right. significant other and what kind of car you drive, what kind of job you have and either you're happy, or you're not where it is. Joy is more of an intrinsic energy. Joy is something you were born with, even as a baby and a toddler.

[00:41:47] When you just most people had joy, you could just bubble up and laugh and didn't care who was watching. So that's there. So how do you tap back into that? And because this had literally become my own life study, I said, and I know what I'm talking about, cuz I've been working on this my whole life.

[00:42:03] And now that I'm an expert in emotional wellness, this is a perfect fit because I can't think of anything I'd rather do than bring joy to people's lives and teach them how to keep it and share it. 

[00:42:15] Jolie Downs: that's wonderful. That's a very worthy purpose.

[00:42:19] Anne Scottlin: that made me joyful, right? Because when you share it, you get more yourself, which is, the beauty of the whole principle.

[00:42:25] So that's that evolved. And then where I am today, books, training and workshops and retreats and 

[00:42:33] Jolie Downs: Oh. 

[00:42:33] Anne Scottlin: Bahamas that's 

[00:42:34] Jolie Downs: So you're doing a retreat in The Bahamas. That's a wonderful girl to have. I'm gonna put that on my vision list.

[00:42:40] Anne Scottlin: yes. Do that, do that? No, that's amazing.

[00:42:41] Jolie Downs: yes.

[00:42:41] Anne Scottlin: Yeah. 

[00:42:41] Jolie Downs: So you've done a lot with your life. So many amazing things. What would you say has been your greatest success and why and what' you learn from it?

[00:42:54] Anne Scottlin: My greatest success. And I would say, and it's ongoing too, is learning to love and forgive myself. 

[00:43:01] Jolie Downs: Oh, such a good one. So hard and so important. 

[00:43:06] Anne Scottlin: You're 

[00:43:07] Jolie Downs: How did you do it? Or is there any advice that you could give someone who might be struggling with that themselves?

[00:43:15] Anne Scottlin: not gonna like it. You really have to stop caring what other people think. 

[00:43:20] Jolie Downs: Yeah, it

[00:43:21] Anne Scottlin: And that is.

[00:43:22] so hard, but it's not impossible because let me tell you every time. You say no, because I'm gonna take care of me. You say no, because my emotional wellness is more important than being on that extra board or doing that extra thing or running a million miles an hour and never having time to be still or meditate, or just have my own sanity.

[00:43:42] Every time you say I am important and I am worthy, you are breaking one piece of that shackle that has been holding you your whole life. So if every day you do one thing to remind yourself that you're worthy to remind yourself that we have all done the best we could, where we were at with the tools we had, we have all made mistakes, but that doesn't mean we are a mistake. It means that you have now the power to change and learn and evolve. And the more you put your focus on nurturing others and leading by example, By taking care of yourself, learning to be gentler and kinder to yourself, the more you will really be able to stretch your wings and fly. And there's nothing like that feeling. 

[00:44:30] Jolie Downs: So true. I admit I had the same shackles my entire life, and it was only in the past few years that I learned a forgiveness meditation that taught me how to forgive myself and forgive other people. But that first step of forgiving yourself, it was like a whole new person.

[00:44:47] It was a life changing thing for me by far. And it does it frees you from those shackles of your past, that can come up and just claw at you and pull you back down, 

[00:44:57] Anne Scottlin: I would love to get that meditation from you some point. So please share.

[00:45:01] that when you can, because I would absolutely love, it sounds like the, a perfect thing. I would so enjoy doing 

[00:45:06] Jolie Downs: I'll definitely share 

[00:45:07] Anne Scottlin: because we do, it's and I'll say this just quickly. When we say not everybody feels like they need to forgive themselves, but let me explain what that means.

[00:45:14] One is I was born type a perfectionist little OCD. Yes. A lot OCD. So to me I feel like I fail constantly. So first of all, you start with

[00:45:26] that. Actually look at the two sides of the coin, the things that are on my weaknesses, the flip side of that coin is also the things that are my strengths. I am determined.

[00:45:35] I am persistent. I am powerful. I am resilient and I'm a little OCD and hard on myself, but can we put this in perspective and see the balance? Yes,

[00:45:45] I have grossly disappointed. My parents. that's a hard one to forgive yourself for, because you still love your parents. You. 

[00:45:51] But actually in the last 5, 6, 7 years, I've worked through that one too, where now I can have an open and my parents are the same, by the way, they have not changed their lifestyle or any perspectives where I can have an open, friendly, loving relationship with my parents know that they did the best they could with the tools they had and forgive myself that, I did cause them pain, but it doesn't that I tried to cause them pain.

[00:46:15] I disappointed them. I didn't aggressively hurt them on purpose. There's a difference. Sometimes parents make that confusing when they talk don't hurt me, you're hurting. You know what I'm 

[00:46:24] Jolie Downs: Yes they, yes. I know exactly what you're 

[00:46:26] Anne Scottlin: But don't take it on, or learn to peel off those layers and give them the gift of your love.

[00:46:35] You don't have to forget what has happened, but you can forgive them just so you can be healthy. If nothing else, maybe not because someone deserves it. But because so you can be healthy and whole cuz that's, what's really important and that's about. loving and forgiving yourself. 

[00:46:51] Jolie Downs: Yeah. Yeah. It's understanding that we all, I everyone has their own issues and the parent thing it's if your parents are making you feel like that, it's often their own issues that they're dealing with and not yours and learning to understand that and learning how to own your own business and let go of anything that is not yours.

[00:47:08] That's a really big lesson, to, to that is a very freeing feeling. Once you learn that to let go of everyone else's expectations and needs and just focus on yours. It's that, changing that one thing inside of yourself, even though you can't change everything around you, but making that shift inside of yourself allows you to deal with everything else and move forward and ease and flow is 

[00:47:28] Anne Scottlin: yeah. I love that. 

[00:47:30] Jolie Downs: Now I'm curious, what would you say is your definition of success? And based on that, What do you think is key to having continued success throughout life?

[00:47:41] Anne Scottlin: Yeah, that's a really good question. What is success and what is the key to continued success? I think success is, there's so many definitions, but quite honestly, it's, for me, it's just being true to myself. Do I feel like I have a vision and a calling and a purpose I do. Do I pursue it and develop it constantly?

[00:48:00] So that it's clear to me what that is. I do. And when you're clear on that, or you get clear on that or you get support or a coaching or a friend or someone to work with you on that, until that gets really clear, then you're gonna be a success regardless. So for me, giving back and helping others and helping other people that are in a stuck place, that's very motivating to me and.

[00:48:21] When you can wake up in the morning and I can honestly say that I do this, I've got all my own issues and problems. But when I wake up in the morning, I know that in small ways I've already touched so many lives, whether that's in person, whether that's in social media. The people who have written to me, all of those things, I'm like, my life is already full.

[00:48:40] I've already made an impact on other people that has literally changed the course of their life?

[00:48:47] Not cuz I'm so amazing, but because I made sure that I, they had information and tools and motivation and love and kindness, and they knew someone cared, someone they'd never even met on social media, someone, they had no idea who they were. So I can wake up and say, I'm already complete with that. That I'm already a success. What I do from here is a luxury because I

[00:49:08] just wanna keep doing that more. 

[00:49:10] Jolie Downs: love that. That's so perfect. That was perfect. Being a joy expert. I'm curious if you, do you have any specific habits or things that you do that, that help bring more joy into your life that you

[00:49:23] Anne Scottlin: I do. And I will also say that you really should make your own list. So because everyone has a different, we're all different. No one diet fits all. that whole thing. When you're in happiness, when you're in joy, when you're in a good place, what's going on around you, what are you doing?

[00:49:41] And I consciously did this a few years back to start start tracking it. One thing I realized that I didn't do, cuz I can be one of my tendencies. I can go into be workaholic pretty easy. So one of the things I realized was that I personally, I just forgot, completely forgot to ever listen to music. And there are, my kinds of music really speak to me. They make me happy. They make me warm. They make me feel supported. They take my stress down about 30% just turning it on. And I'm like, why would I not be doing that's so I started putting sticky notes, wherever I was like my phone, my laptop, my EarPods, whatever, play music at least every day, sometime like that's such a small change to give you reduce some tension, give you joy, find you dancing in the kitchen once in a while. That's amazing. That's a really basic way to start. But so for me that was one, another one. Was you finding your, and identifying your creative outlets that bring you joy.

[00:50:34] It doesn't have to be fancy. You don't have to be Marco Angelo. I like gourmet cooking. It gives me endless joy. If I have time I could cook for four hours and just love every minute. 

[00:50:44] Jolie Downs: Yeah. The people around you love that 

[00:50:46] Anne Scottlin: yes. so that's not for everybody, but what is your thing? Is it gardening? Is it, there is, there's something really healthy about working with living things like.

[00:50:54] Living animals has already said, animal therapy, dog therapy, having a relationship like that in my life is really important. Nature, as we already talked about and your own spiritual practice, whatever that is, doesn't have to be religious. But when I made a ring Right?

[00:51:09] after my divorce.

[00:51:10] And since then, just to say very gratefully found and married a wonderful soulmate, who I am so glad that I met and wouldn't have never met if I hadn't gone through the divorce. So we've been married now for several years, but when I got divorced, the first time I made a ring from Shakespeare I had a, that I wore where I used to wear my wedding ring at the time.

[00:51:28] And it says to the known self be true.

[00:51:32] Jolie Downs: I love, oh, I love that. Oh, I feel like every woman should have one of those when they divorce. 

[00:51:38] Anne Scottlin: And that was what I wore instead of my wedding ring. And I have always, that's in my mantra ever since. So find your joy to yourself. Be true and know that.

[00:51:49] if you are doing the things that make you happy and you still feel unsatisfied, it's probably cuz you're not giving back. So start sharing the joy, start building up other people because if you can't get ahold of your joy, I go against the people who say you have to have it to give it.

[00:52:05] That's not my philosophy. My philosophy is you share it and you start receiving it. You manufacture a little joy and share it with someone on the street or someone, A smile at the cafe or whatever you start getting it back in, in spades. So start sharing it and you'll start getting it. 

[00:52:23] Jolie Downs: That is an absolute universal truth. And that is something that I have learned through every one of these conversations. It is the golden thread 

[00:52:31] Anne Scottlin: I love. 

[00:52:31] Jolie Downs: through all of these stories. So yes, you're absolutely right. If you are doing all of those things and you still aren't able to find your joy, that is the missing ingredient.

[00:52:39] Thank you for pointing that out. Very true. I'm curious because you've, a lot about joy. clearly, I'm curious if there's any video or talk or book or movie that has had a really big impact on your life that you think might benefit other people. 

[00:52:57] Anne Scottlin: gonna laugh. So I'm gonna tell you my favorite movie was also, I didn't see many movies mind you, cause I didn't have a television, but one. Okay. So when I was like 10, we were briefly visiting my relatives, which I didn't do much cuz they weren't part of our inner circle. Too distracting, too worldly. I was at my grandma's house and was the first time I'd ever seen the sound of music?

[00:53:17] I was a little kid. I loved music cuz that was allowed in my environment. I did have music, religious music, but anyway and the vision of this woman in nature spinning around with her arms out and just singing the Hills are alive with the sound of music. This became my picture of freedom and empowerment.

[00:53:36] What it means to, to fight on the side of good versus evil, even when you have conflicting issues. Resiliency, persistence, love to me that just embodied kind of everything that I wanted and to fight for others that embodied really what I think I built a lot of my life. It had such a tremendous impact. 

[00:54:01] Jolie Downs: love it. one of my favorites. absolutely. I feel it all. Yes. Thank you for that. That's so good. So before we wrap up, just so people know where to find you if they wanna find, go get your book, find out information about your coaching and training and things of that nature. Where can they go 

[00:54:20] Anne Scottlin: Yes. Easiest, you?

[00:54:20] can go to my website, which is Ann scotland.com. That's my name and it's a N E S C O T L I N. Ann scotland.com. You can find everything there, including the book, or you can go straight on Amazon. The book is called live for joy, and it's a personal empowerment book with a twist.

[00:54:39] If you only have one or two minutes, you can get your dose for the day. it.

[00:54:44] is all original content by me in very short sound bites, opposite, phenomenal pictures of art photography that give you a whole body experience with the words. So you see the picture, you get an impact, you see the words, you get an impact.

[00:54:59] You get both. You have something to think about the whole day and. 280 pages, fully illustrated, full color. There's 12 chapters, and it's all about your emotional wellness, being a benevolent world, citizen, finding your joy. And my favorite chapter is the last chapter, which is called learn to Love

[00:55:17] the endings, because I think sometimes we don't think of that as a positive element to building art joy.

[00:55:26] So if you buy the digital version, I make more money, but I recommend you buy the print version, cuz it's phenomenal for bedside table coffee table book, keep on your desk. People will comment on this book. It's gorgeous. Check it.

[00:55:39] out. And I think 

[00:55:40] Jolie Downs: I'm getting one for myself. I actually I'm buying some for family members just by the way. can, I can think of 

[00:55:45] Anne Scottlin: Woo. Awesome. This is, I was gonna buy one for my agent for Christmas and then one of my friends who has the same agent bought my book for him for Christmas, I was like, loves it. He's like I cherish your book. I cherish it. Oh, 

[00:56:00] Jolie Downs: that's awesome. Okay. So before we go, my last question, and I just wanna say I've had so much fun chatting with you. I could have gone on and on, but I know, time limit and whatnot. but so last question. What are you sure of in life? Oh,

[00:56:17] Anne Scottlin: What am I sure of? Hmm. I am sure that nothing is hopeless. 

[00:56:21] Jolie Downs: yeah.

[00:56:21] Anne Scottlin: Nothing is impossible. And you can make a difference. 

[00:56:28] Jolie Downs: So good. Thank you so much for your time, Anne. It's been wonderful. 

[00:56:33] Anne Scottlin: thanks.

Jolie Downs:

Wow, what a powerful story that was, Anne is truly an inspiration.

Here is a woman who was raised in a very controlled, highly conservative, religious, patriarchal, cult like environment. Her life experience within her family and community was in many ways comparable to a woman’s life 100 years ago. She went from being under the control of her parents, to marrying young and being under the control of her husband. 

She lost her identity. 

She became co-dependent, folded into the role of housewife being given limitations on interests and travel. 

Eventually she became aware of a problem in her life and marriage  but couldn’t identify exactly what it was. She kept moving forward, suppressing the feeling of unease and shutting down her voice. Her body reacted in the only way it could, by giving her bleeding ulcers. Sometimes our bodies talk for us when we refuse to use our voice. Anne recognized this and knew she had to do something. 

Even though she had no access to finances, she found a way to borrow money from a friends brother so that she could hire a private detective. And soon she learned all her instincts were right – her husband had multiple women in different states, with different homes and even a pregnant girlfriend. 

I am so proud of Anne for finding the bravery to take those steps, I applaud her fortitude to do what was best for her, divorcing her husband and moving on (even with the extreme angst and guilt associated with her religion). Even though it was incredibly hard, she kept moving through the darkness of those difficult days to get through to the other side and create the life she was always meant to live. 

Many times in life, the thing that is best for us, is NOT the easiest. It often takes a lot of hard work. It means accepting uncertainty. It means walking with your fear. What is easy, is putting whatever that thing is, off for another day. 

So What is that thing in your life that you know is best for you but you’ve been putting it off because it’s too hard?  

Now, I want you to think of Anne, brainwashed by her religion to the point where she felt extreme extended guilt for piercing her ears. Guilt. For years. For simply decorating Her very own body part. Now think about how hard it must have been for her to go through that divorce, which went against everything she had been taught to believe, to the point where she not only lost her husband but she lost her community and faith in her own religion, which had been a fundamental building block in her life. 

But she did it. 

She did what was right for her. 

Yes, She went through pain. Yes, she went through turmoil, but she learned, she grew, she got through the other side and now, this woman is a JOY expert! An expert on living a joyful life. How great is this story? 

How great can yours be too? 

If she can do it – so can you!

So what is it that you will start working on for yourself? What is one baby step you can take today to move you in that right direction? Keep taking one baby step every day until you get to where you want to be.

If you happen to be at a point of struggle in life, working on the rebuild, there were many great insights from Anne’s story that can help you manage along the way. Anne found great grounding and centering by being in nature and being around animals. Both are amazing for their therapeutic qualities. In Japan, doctors prescribe forest bathing to their patients – which is essentially walking in nature for 20 minutes a day. It’s amazingly restorative. 

Or spending time with a sweet, loving animal, one of the purest energies you can soak in, can be a great solace to burdened soul. 

Education and continuous learning – incredibly important to healing, to creating, to thriving – every day ask yourself, what have I learned today? Make a promise to yourself that you will Proactively feed your mind with the information that helps you move in the direction you want to grow.  

And Travel – one of life’s great gifts – one of those unique things you can buy that makes you richer. I love to travel. Travel has changed me and everyone I know around me, for the better. Traveling expands your worldview and perspective, allowing you to see your life from new viewpoints, bringing more understanding to day to day life. It creates a feeling of connectedness helping one become more inclusive and accepting. It forces you out of your comfort zone, opening you up to new experiences, learning new insights and breathing life and energy into your soul. 

And you meet so many kind and amazing people. You realize the world is full of beauty everywhere. There is no us and them – we are a one. 

Not only that - It is scientifically proven that travel makes you healthier, not only lowering your risk of death, but it relieves stress, enhances your creativity, boosts your happiness and satisfaction and lowers the risk of depression. 

I know that travel is not easy to accomplish in many situations due to financial and time constraints but I urge you to do whatever you can to get that experience if possible. 

And as Anne learned, there are many ways you can bring travel into your life, even if you are a teenager living in an oppressive culture with no money to call your own. 

For some inspiration – here are some ways to get free/cheap travel: 

·      If you use credit cards, you can maximize credit card rewards and loyalty programs for free travel – I’ve done this successfully myself a number of times, staying in places I never would have booked had I not been taking advantage of points. 

·      You can do a house swap

·      You can drive someones car across country 

·      House sit or Pet sit – there are websites devoted to connecting people for this very purpose

·      Volunteer – either long term with the likes of Peace Corps or short term with companies like Go Overseas, Diverbo or Idealist. 

·      You can also do work exchanges where you can stay for free in exchange for your services – check out Workaway, HelpX or helpstay. 

We travel not to escape life but for life not to escape us. 

Now, when life is at those hardest moments, when things don’t seem to be helping and as Anne shared, you find yourself in that breakdown for so long that you know you need to do something but you can’t seem to find it in yourself to do anything – when life has brought you to that empty and hollowed out feeling where you feel stuck and you just don’t know what to do – take Anne’s advice – get out of your own head, get out of your house and find a way to give back to others. 

This is another golden thread amongst all the stories of people creating their best, most authentic and fulfilling life – they stop focusing on how can I help myself and start focusing instead on how can I help others. This is the magic ingredient. The special sauce that ignites change and satisfaction. How can you help others in a way that feels authentic to you? 

For Anne, she helped struggling women, and all of a sudden she had purpose again. It was the beginning of her path to remembering herself. She got back into education following her passions, she explored acting and found it opened up a new world within herself, allowing her to fully feel her emotions, allowing her to experiment with her voice and gave her the self development needed to learn how to express her anger

Through all of this, she found the soul inspiring sensation of being around other like minded individuals – she found her people. And she loved them. 

Anne noticed that with her acting career, she really understood the business side of things that many creatives struggled with. She looked for a way to help her friends and through that, a coaching career was born. Once again, helping others leads to helping yourself. 

Through her coaching she found a specific area that became her focus and she has since become a Joy Expert, - From an oppressed, sheltered background to finding her life shattered, walking through the darkness of depression to doing the inner work, coming out the other side and founding The Power of Joy Institute; becoming a best selling author podcaster, coach and executive trainer with a focus on joy – what an absolutely incredible and inspiring story. 

A story that would have never have happened if Anne had not let herself go through and experience the divorce, what she felt was an utter and total failure. As anne said, this was hard for her as she ‘doesn’t do failure’. Who would Anne be if she had stayed trapped in that marriage and restrictive way of living? And How many extra years of Anne’s life was spent in that restrictive setting because of that fear of failure? 

Do you fear failure?

If the answer is yes, I would like to suggest that you try reframing your view of failure. One of the greatest lessons that has come from this podcast is that success blooms from the learnings of failure. Every single one of these stories of success has their story of failure. The more successes in a story, the more failures as well. It’s all about what you do with that failure, when you take the time to learn and grow from it, you turn your failures into stepping stones for success. 

Next time something doesn’t go as planned – remind yourself - There is no such thing as failure, only feedback. Learn and move on.

Now, when I asked Anne what her greatest success is – her response? Learning to love and forgive herself. 

Wow

So powerful

Have you learned to love yourself? And that might sound cheesy, but seriously, have you?

 Have you forgiven yourself or are you holding on to your past mistakes? 

Learning to love and forgive yourself - This is the most important thing you can do for yourself. 

I know these are not the easiest things to do but they are the most worthy, if you haven’t gotten there, promise yourself you’ll keep doing the work until you do. Anne gave some great advice around getting to that love – she reminded us that you have to stop caring about what other people think. Stop carrying others expectations around with you. The only thinking you should care about – is your own. The only expectations you should carry with you – are your own. 

. Authenticity is the name of the game. Authenticity is the big win. You be you. And celebrate that! Embrace all that you are – you are a one of a kind miracle. Think about all the things that had to happen to get you here in this moment. 

It’s awe inspiring. 

You are truly incredible just because you are you. 

Remind yourself of what brings you personal joy and revel in it. Make a list so when you are feeling down, it will be easy to remember what brings you back up again. Proactively find, schedule, and create those moments that fill you up, causing you to bubble up with excitement, with  joy and with laughter. Keep adding things to your life that light you up. As Anne advises, fill yourself with joy and Own your own time. As she shared, Every time you say no, every time you say I am important, that what I want is important and I am worthy, you break a little piece of that shackle that has been holding you back. So if every day you can do that one little thing to remind yourself that you are worthy, you will be well on your way. You have the power to change, learn and grow. And the more you focus on nurturing yourself, leading by example by being more gentle and kinder to yourself – not only do you give permission to others to do the same but the more you will trust yourself to open your wings and fly – experiencing all life has to offer. 

As for forgiveness, there is a copy of Mindvalley founder Vishen Lakhiani’s six phase meditation as episode 67 on this podcast, the third phase of the meditation is focused on forgiveness and this process helped me find forgiveness for myself and for everything else I had been carrying. The process walks you through viewing the incident, feeling your feelings, viewing the incident from the other persons viewpoint, thinking about the things that may have happened in the other persons life to get them to this place, then reflecting on how you yourself have grown, how you may have become a better person because of this experience, followed by letting go with love. Do yourself a favor, listen and adapt that forgiveness practice into your daily life. You’ll find yourself lighter and freer than you’ve ever experienced before. 

Overall, I think the ring Anne bought herself sums it up nicely – To thine own self be true. 

And that’s my wish for us all, that the life you live, is the one you chose for you. 

Until next time,