088 - Unleashing Your Communication Superpower: Insights from Arielle Lapiano

Arielle Lapiano, a resilient communications powerhouse, wields her words to conquer adversity and thrive in challenging environments, unlocking the secret to personal and professional success.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Learn to navigate obstacles and foster personal expansion.
• Master the art of impactful dialogue to drive success.
• Uncover the potency of authenticity and self-assuredness.
• Discover how challenging situations often house unseen opportunities.
• Appreciate the role of leadership in shaping perspective and influencing results.

My special guest is Arielle Lapiano

From navigating a challenging environment growing up to shaking up the corporate world, Arielle Lapiano has assuredly made her mark. Starting as a paralegal and then moving into the intriguing world of public relations and communications, Arielle juggled various roles before establishing herself in the crypto industry as a Chief Communications Officer. Beyond her impressive corporate achievements, she took her passion for women empowerment a step further by setting up a non-profit that supports girls’ charities. Arielle's journey highlights how communication skills can turn personal challenges into professional success.

Arielle Lapiano: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ariellelapiano/

For Saboteur assessment: 

https://www.positiveintelligence.com/saboteurs/

The key moments in this episode are:
00:00:00 - Introduction, 

00:00:53 - Overcoming Challenges, 

00:03:22 - Communication Skills, 

00:07:07 - Believing in Yourself, 

00:11:18 - Keeping the Spark Alive, 

00:18:00 - Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking, 

00:20:05 - The Power of Mindfulness in Communication, 

00:25:02 - Struggles with People Pleasing, 

00:30:18 - Recovery from People Pleasing, 

00:32:52 - The Path to Chief Communications Officer, 

00:37:31 - Finding Opportunity in Struggles, 

00:38:22 - Promoting Effective Leadership, 

00:41:51 - Unlearning Micromanagement, 

00:44:22 - Arielle's Journey into Coaching, 

00:44:54 - Lessons from ET and Life Advice, 

Please help these messages spread, give us a like and share with a friend!

Transcript

00:00:00 - Jolie Downs
Today we are speaking with Ariellele Lapiano, a chief communications officer. Arielle started her career as a paralegal before moving into the public relations and communications industry. Having worked with companies such as Paul, Hastings, Celent and Ernie, Ariellele has worked her way up the corporate ranks to chief communications officer in the crypto industry. Arielle is also a woman in Girls advocate and along her journey she founded a nonprofit that created empowering products for women, with all proceeds going to charities that support girls. I'm really excited to learn more. Arielle, thank you for joining us. Please could you tell us a little bit more about your story and getting to where you are today?

00:00:42 - Arielle Lapiano
Thank you, Jolie. I really appreciate it. Well, my story sort of feels like it has a dark beginning, but I swear it has a happy ending. So I think sort of helps frame my story is at a kind of young age, I was threatened by a family member with a I know it sounds scary sister.

00:01:09 - Jolie Downs
What do you mean?

00:01:11 - Arielle Lapiano
She wasn't that much of a baby, but she was probably nine, I was probably twelve. And we were alone in the house and she was really angry at me and she grabbed a kitchen knife. I was like, I'm going to kill you. Really angry. It was like, you know like how when you're having a dream and it feels so real? Yeah, sort of how it went. And I used that as a story to share with you because my sister actually had some serious challenges growing and was later diagnosed much later diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

00:01:54 - Jolie Downs
Oh, wow. That must have been hard as a kid growing up and not knowing and just having to deal with it.

00:02:02 - Arielle Lapiano
It was right. So it was kind of like walking on eggshell my entire childhood.

00:02:13 - Jolie Downs
Wow.

00:02:13 - Arielle Lapiano
But the really happy ending of that is that it meant that I needed to learn how to survive in my challenging environment. And when I look back on my life, I think that it helped me to thrive in really difficult environments and with really difficult people.

00:02:37 - Jolie Downs
Oh, right.

00:02:40 - Arielle Lapiano
That's to me the happy ending because as I take a look back at my career, things that I have in common throughout all the crazy stuff I've done is I've always had to rely on my communication skills and to be really smart about how I use them. So early on, I think when I went to family therapy as a kid therapist, you're a mediator, you're a peacemaker in this family. And that's sort of what I've done throughout my entire career, I've either been a peacemaker, I was an investigator, I was a writer, I was an interviewer, and of course a communications professional. And helping people think about when and why and how to say things because I learned how to be really smart about them. It was literally survival. Felt like it was survival for me. And now I'm at the point in my career where I'm also starting to explore coaching.

00:03:43 - Jolie Downs
Oh, interesting.

00:03:46 - Arielle Lapiano
A sort of scary, dark beginning, but it's what allowed me to learn how to thrive and to pass on these skills to others now as a trait.

00:03:57 - Jolie Downs
And isn't that the truth? With so much of our scary stories, the difficult aspects that we've gone through, when we're able to learn from them, they are able to bring us gifts in different ways. And you had this very difficult, very difficult aspect of your childhood, but I love that you were able to see the gift that has given you in your adulthood and been able to carry that through. I think that's amazing. And we all have the ability to do that. It's just we have to look at it and take a quick evaluation. So I love that you did that. Now how did you deal with it, though? I'm just curious because as a teenager and I mean, as a young kid, there's a lot I'm curious if there was anything that helped you get through that aspect.

00:04:43 - Arielle Lapiano
I think that throughout my years, my friends were so important to me. It's also simple, but it's really the truth. And I fell into a lot of leadership positions as a teenager. In particular, I loved high school. I mean, I kind of like, wish I was still in high school.

00:05:05 - Jolie Downs
So you had the great high school experience.

00:05:08 - Arielle Lapiano
I loved high school. I actually know my husband from high school, believe it or not, too.

00:05:14 - Jolie Downs
Oh, that's great.

00:05:16 - Arielle Lapiano
I loved high school. I was like junior class president. I was the debate team president, captain, and I was captain of the swim team to balance out the nerdiness. But it was like, in high school, I think that's when I sort of understood a little bit more what I had to offer. And I had also people believe in.

00:05:50 - Jolie Downs
Me.

00:05:54 - Arielle Lapiano
And that's when I started believing in myself.

00:05:58 - Jolie Downs
Isn't that big? That's a big deal for that young. Not everyone is able to find that belief in themselves at a young age. What helps you find that?

00:06:08 - Arielle Lapiano
I think again, it was survival. It was like, again, like, okay, nobody is going to believe or I'm not going to succeed unless I believe in myself. I was doubted a little bit by my father. He's a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful man. He's still alive. I love him to bit. He doubted what I could achieve. And I think that there's like a way you can deal with it. You can deal with it like, okay, I suck, and he's right, or you can be a little bit like, oh yeah, I'm going to show you.

00:06:50 - Jolie Downs
Yes.

00:06:52 - Arielle Lapiano
Actually, it's interesting. I think that's sort of part of what happened is that it's like that, oh yeah, I'm going to show you helped me through my formative years. Right? And then it has helped me ever since. It was like, you're going to doubt me. I will show you.

00:07:13 - Jolie Downs
Yeah, I love this. Not to let anyone shut me down.

00:07:18 - Arielle Lapiano
Not to let anyone shut me down. And with my dad, I think I still kind of am surprising it, which is awesome. I'm not saying it as a negative thing to my dad. Awesome. I think it empowered me. I'm not like, sitting here, we won't talk about how 40 I am, right? But I'm not sitting here saying, oh, poor me. My daddy didn't believe in me. I was like, you know what? My dad had some healthy doubt. Yeah. Like, you know, like and I but I I proved him wrong again and again. And, like, my favorite was I mean, I had a couple of favorites, but he didn't let me apply to the schools I wanted to when I was going to apply to colleges.

00:08:12 - Jolie Downs
Why?

00:08:14 - Arielle Lapiano
I think because he wanted me home.

00:08:16 - Jolie Downs
Okay. Yeah, I understand that.

00:08:21 - Arielle Lapiano
I think a lot of maybe your listeners might resonate, too, as college kids and stuff. He wanted to keep me home. He kind of bribed me with a car. I wanted to go to school in California. He's like, no, where were you?

00:08:38 - Jolie Downs
What state?

00:08:38 - Arielle Lapiano
Europe. In Queens and New York City.

00:08:40 - Jolie Downs
Okay. In New York.

00:08:41 - Arielle Lapiano
Okay, in New York. And so he's like, stay at home. All this is ended up I did end up staying home my first year of college, and then I secretly applied to Vassar College and Sarah Lawrence. And the sort of backstory is, too, that I didn't get into bachelor at first. I applied when I was in high school, and it was another situation where I could have said, all right, whatever. I suck. I'm not material.

00:09:17 - Jolie Downs
I'm not good enough.

00:09:18 - Arielle Lapiano
I'm not good enough. But I went to Queens College my first year. I killed it. I loved it, too, but I just wanted to do something different. I am going to reapply.

00:09:33 - Jolie Downs
Yes.

00:09:33 - Arielle Lapiano
And I'm going to reapply on my own because my sort of story, too, was that I was forced to work with my mother on my essay. It was like, my dad's like, you need to sit and work with your mom. So my essay became too much her essay, and so I secretly applied to college as a freshman at Queen's College, and I got to Sarah Lawrence, and I got in, and I was able to go back to my parents and be like, I got in.

00:10:11 - Jolie Downs
I can feel that.

00:10:15 - Arielle Lapiano
I remember years later, too, when I got into Columbia for graduate mean, I think I almost gave my dad a heart attack. I actually remember I can go back to my house in Queens and remember the sort of setup.

00:10:32 - Jolie Downs
That's great. You sound like you had your head on straight for a high school and college kid. But I'm curious. I mean, we all learn so much as we grow through the years. Is there any advice that you would give yourself now, knowing what you know now to your high school or college age self.

00:10:52 - Arielle Lapiano
So it's such an interesting question because the honest truth is that I feel like I don't know how sad this sounds, but there was some spark in high school. I loved high school me. So I think if anything, I'd be like, don't let anybody extinguish your spark.

00:11:14 - Jolie Downs
That'd be good. Yeah.

00:11:18 - Arielle Lapiano
High school me was, like, awesome. Adult me kind of got I don't be less awesome, but it was just like the world started getting me down, covering you.

00:11:33 - Jolie Downs
It's all these layers.

00:11:36 - Arielle Lapiano
Yeah. I think there was, like some keep the spark alive, I say to young nerdy debate team, personally, I think debate.

00:11:49 - Jolie Downs
Is the most important thing that you can take in high school. This is my own personal opinion. I made my first son. I'm trying to make my second son, who is absolutely fighting me.

00:12:00 - Arielle Lapiano
But I think it's I have an 8th grader who's going into high school, and I went with her to the sort of high school career, whatever, fair, high school fair and the debaters were there. Recruit her.

00:12:17 - Jolie Downs
Well. It serves you so well in life, right? I mean, your communications look at how your communications have served you. I mean, you are in a job that specializes in communications. However, that communication experience, I'm sure, serves you in every aspect of your life, I would imagine it is.

00:12:35 - Arielle Lapiano
So if I can be a commercial to your second son for debate team, I can honestly tell you that I feel like probably one of the most impactful things I've done with my life being on the 18th, I joke that I've never given up my role as captain.

00:12:56 - Jolie Downs
Well, it teaches you how to express yourself and get what you want.

00:12:59 - Arielle Lapiano
Really does. Yeah.

00:13:03 - Jolie Downs
That's what we all want. We want to get what we want. So learn how to do that. So now you started in the paralegal industry, and then you went into communications. What happened there? What spurned you into a new direction?

00:13:21 - Arielle Lapiano
It was a little bit of a circuitous route, I would say. So I was interested in becoming a lawyer or my dad interested in me.

00:13:30 - Jolie Downs
Becoming a I think a lot of people might or resonate with that too.

00:13:37 - Arielle Lapiano
I should add, too, I'm a nice Jewish girl, which sometimes gets covered up by the fact that I married a nice Italian boy. It's like just so much a part of Jewish in particular, it feels like New York Jewish culture. I'm a doctor or a lawyer.

00:13:54 - Jolie Downs
Gotcha.

00:13:55 - Arielle Lapiano
I had very professional, intellectual parents, so I was pursuing looking into law, and it was apparent to me very quickly that it wasn't my thing. I went on to become, of all things, an investigator of police.

00:14:14 - Jolie Downs
Interesting. How did that happen?

00:14:17 - Arielle Lapiano
I was recruited.

00:14:19 - Jolie Downs
Okay.

00:14:20 - Arielle Lapiano
I was thinking about back when you were young, you got recruited too, and that was an absolutely amazing experience. Then I actually took a little hiatus to help my sister, who was going through some tough times again. And then I went back to graduate school and I studied international affairs. I thought I was going to become, like, a diplomat. That was, at one point, fascinating. 911 occurred during my time.

00:14:52 - Jolie Downs
Oh, wow.

00:14:53 - Arielle Lapiano
At graduate school. That changed my life view a little bit.

00:14:58 - Jolie Downs
Yeah. And you were in New York at the time, right?

00:15:00 - Arielle Lapiano
New York? Yeah, I was in New York at Columbia. I mean, we could spell the smoke at Columbia, see the smoke. And it changed how I wanted to spend my life. I went from thinking that I wanted to live abroad to being like, you know what? Maybe I'll stay closer to home. I wanted to be close to my family. And then, of course, the world too, changed, the economy changed. I ended up out of school becoming a reporter, and I didn't go in thinking I wanted to be a reporter, but it was a very good use, again, of those skills developed, and it was a really good way to sort of scratch the curiosity.

00:15:49 - Jolie Downs
Good magic.

00:15:51 - Arielle Lapiano
I loved it. But I don't mean this to be disrespectful to my reporter friends, but I felt too nice to be as good.

00:16:02 - Jolie Downs
A reporter as I understand this. You have to get into people's. I mean, that's hard to do when people are struggling, and I don't want to do it.

00:16:13 - Arielle Lapiano
I always wanted to write, like, the profile pieces of people. I wanted the fluff piece. I just write the fluff. I love the fluff piece. Again, I think I was a reporter, but moving then to PR and communications felt like really good home for me, and that's where I've been. And now I'm taking it, hopefully to another level, which is to become a communications coach as well.

00:16:47 - Jolie Downs
Awesome. I think it's really interesting that you were a paralegal. You were looking at law, then you went into communications, which was your jam, but then you ended up binding a communications role in a law firm. I thought that was I thought that was very interesting.

00:17:03 - Arielle Lapiano
I know. And that's where some recruiter found me.

00:17:06 - Jolie Downs
Right.

00:17:06 - Arielle Lapiano
And some recruiter was like, oh, you were in law. Because lawyers really want people that understand how law firms operate and how operate. So there weren't a lot of communications people that had that type of experience. That's sort of how I ended up there.

00:17:28 - Jolie Downs
Yeah. That's great. It's always fun to combine the interests, though, and experiences and make it all work perfectly.

00:17:36 - Arielle Lapiano
It was a good combination, and it worked for me for a long time. I was at the law firm for almost 16 no, 15 years.

00:17:45 - Jolie Downs
That's great. Well, tell me this, as an expert in the communications field, what are some things from your career that you feel everyone should know that could benefit them?

00:18:00 - Arielle Lapiano
Yeah, I think that thing that I'd like everybody to know is that we're all a little messed up and we're all a little scared, and that it's okay. So when I think of, let's say, some of my greatest success stories.

00:18:22 - Jolie Downs
I.

00:18:22 - Arielle Lapiano
Think about a very impressive executive that I dealt with who's like, I don't want to talk to a reporter. I don't want to do that video. I don't want to do that speech. Not interesting. There was a lot of insecurity behind it, a lot of fear.

00:18:43 - Jolie Downs
Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm sure it triggers you.

00:18:46 - Arielle Lapiano
No, and I mean, I think that there are statistics that point to people saying that public speaking, for instance, is one of their biggest fears. And so I now have a lifelong career of dealing with those people. And I love the stories, like, with this executive who went from fearing it, not wanting to do it, to excelling. And I want everybody to know that, like so many other things, it's a skill, easy skill. It can be learned, and it can be learned from multiple standpoints too. So, for instance, I think for a long time, for most of my career, arguably since high school, I've been looking at communications as messaging and delivery of that message. As an adult, the thing that I've been looking at is also mindfulness, and it sounds corny.

00:19:49 - Jolie Downs
Oh, no, I agree.

00:19:51 - Arielle Lapiano
Yeah. So I became a certified mindfulness yes. Over the past couple of years. And so what I'm now doing is trying to bring the mindfulness together with the communication expertise. And when you take those two things and you put them together, I really, honestly believe that anyone can get up in front of a room full of 300 people and deliver their message effectively. It's just some learning and some work.

00:20:25 - Jolie Downs
Yes. Oh, this is such an important message. Thank you. That's really big, because it is true. It is all learnable. And I love that you're using the mindfulness. This is actually something that I've been doing, training myself on, and it is incredible how it can shift your focus from whatever's happening in your head just to being right there in that moment and giving you the ability to move forward with whatever it is that you're trying to move forward with.

00:20:52 - Arielle Lapiano
Yeah. I think that mindfulness is like a superpower, and I am so thankful to have it in my life. I wish I had it earlier, but, hey, I got it now.

00:21:04 - Jolie Downs
Yeah, I completely agree. And thank you for that message that this is something that we all deal with that is so normal. I mean, you're dealing with all the CEOs, these high level executives. They all feel the same way.

00:21:25 - Arielle Lapiano
I've written about this myself. I constantly talk about how I'm still dealing with my own impostor syndrome. I mean, some people don't like imposter syndrome, but I'm dealing with my own insecurities, and I am shy innately. I worked at this.

00:21:46 - Jolie Downs
Yes.

00:21:48 - Arielle Lapiano
If somebody has a six pack, it's usually because they work I worked at this. Exactly. And the thing is, you don't seem.

00:21:56 - Jolie Downs
Shy, and I am shy as well. And people always tell me, oh, you're not shy. I'm like no, I am shy. I've just trained myself how to right, yes.

00:22:06 - Arielle Lapiano
Well trained.

00:22:07 - Jolie Downs
Yes. And that's the message, is that you can train yourself on anything that you want to do. So even if you're shy and you want to be outgoing, you can train yourself on at least tactics to help you.

00:22:18 - Arielle Lapiano
Exactly. No. And I'm really excited to start helping people some more with that and holding their hand and trying to help them to conquer these fears and get their stories and their message out, because so many people have things to offer.

00:22:37 - Jolie Downs
Oh, yes, that's very worthy. Very worthy. So you shared some of your success. What about challenges? Have there been any big struggles that you've had to deal with later in life?

00:22:49 - Arielle Lapiano
I mean, how much time do we have?

00:22:52 - Jolie Downs
Okay, we all have struggles. What are you willing to share with us?

00:23:00 - Arielle Lapiano
A lot of struggles. I think that again, I'll tell you a short story that I think is one interesting professional, professional struggle that might also help people think about communication. So early on, when I was working at the law firm, I was super eager. I think that that eagerness is both, again, a blessing and a curse. It's like one of those weird things. Right? So I, super eager, was writing to a very important lawyer at the firm about an opportunity to work together, and I was so eager to take this guy and turn him into a star in particular, because he was from a very interesting field and a field that married well with had written about as a reporter. And I very clearly remember going to his office. He was out in La. I was visiting, and I went to his office and knocked on the door and said, hey, super excited. Like, and, you know, you may have gotten an email or something from me, and I wanted to see if you had just two minutes to connect. And he was sitting in his chair working on the computer, and he kind of turns his chair around and then looks at me and says, I know who you are. I got your message, and I'm too busy to talk to you.

00:24:39 - Jolie Downs
Okay.

00:24:41 - Arielle Lapiano
No, thank you. Nice. Until, like, just, you know, it's like one of those moments where you sort of, like, turn back into, like, four year old. Yeah, I felt like four again. I was like, oh, and all my daddy issues, too, by the way. But the lesson to me in that is that I am super energetic and eager and excited, and that's awesome for some people and not for everyone. Taken me a really long time to realize that I'm not for everyone, and that's always been my challenge, is, like, accepting. Right. I've always been a sort of off the charts people pleaser. And I know that sounds strange to sort of talk.

00:25:43 - Jolie Downs
Not at all. Okay.

00:25:44 - Arielle Lapiano
I just feel like it's not like an obvious struggle, but it really is a struggle. It is a struggle.

00:25:52 - Jolie Downs
Yeah, I understand. And it causes a lot of issues, a lot of issues that you don't realize are happening, and you think that you're doing something good, but you're actually hurting yourself and the relationship.

00:26:09 - Arielle Lapiano
Exactly. I joke about being like a recovering people pleaser.

00:26:17 - Jolie Downs
Me, too.

00:26:19 - Arielle Lapiano
I'm a people again. It's been a real struggle for me. And then dealing with the disappointment that sets on the other side of that and all the internal garbage, which some people might use another word for.

00:26:42 - Jolie Downs
Feel free to say which one. You know what I'm curious about? Because look, there's a lot of people that struggle with this. And you said that you're recovering. So what helped you get into the recovery?

00:26:53 - Arielle Lapiano
Yeah, what did help me? I would say, first of all, it was actually getting the diagnosis. A wishfulness so true. A couple of years ago, I started working with this brilliant executive coach through a company called the imprint group, and she had us all do an assessment. It was like leadership circle, name of the assessment. I took the assessment, and it helped you identify strengths and weaknesses and also explain how maybe what I thought was a strength, for instance, people pleasing at a certain level could be a weakness. Right?

00:27:53 - Jolie Downs
Yes.

00:27:54 - Arielle Lapiano
So I think that was probably what started my recovery is first understanding that this was actually a problem. I mean, I knew that I was hurting understand till that assessment that like, okay, wait, I got this diagnostic now tool. I am off the charts. Like, literally, there have room circles. It's like, yeah, on this circle, you're like all chart here. And then that helped me to understand how that caused me to go into reactive mode a lot. So that's what notion was, when are you being in a healthy proactive mode and when are you in reactive? It was like trying to start identifying, okay, I am working way too hard, for instance, to please jerk who turned his chair around yes. Just to go, sorry, I'm talking way too much about circles.

00:29:09 - Jolie Downs
No.

00:29:20 - Arielle Lapiano
Mean chair guy, like old me was like, I am going to make mean chair guy love me. Mean chair guy is going to love me.

00:29:31 - Jolie Downs
Right. You know what I mean? I feel you so much on this. Yes.

00:29:38 - Arielle Lapiano
Mean chair guy, he doesn't want so I think old me would think of angry chair guy as a challenge that I needed to conquer. Yes. I need to make angry chair guy love me again. It's like the people pleaser in me and the sort of more mature, healing people pleaser in me is like, okay, you know what? Angry chair guy, let him be angry in his chair in his chair. He don't want to buy what I'm selling. Fine. And it goes back to being authentic, I think to also who you are. Right. That's another big one that he's into what I was selling.

00:30:31 - Jolie Downs
Yeah. And that's okay. And that's okay.

00:30:35 - Arielle Lapiano
But I think only in the last couple of weeks I've realized that.

00:30:42 - Jolie Downs
Not being like it's, it's a lesson I learned much later in life too. And honestly, this podcast has really helped learning everyone else's lessons. It's really helped solidify things and shift things within me that you may hear things, but once it starts coming in different ways, I don't know, sometimes when you take a story and you really take it inside, it does shift something a little bit and it makes that change.

00:31:09 - Arielle Lapiano
I think being on a podcast is like therapy. You should charge me and that'll be.

00:31:21 - Jolie Downs
That'S a new business model.

00:31:23 - Arielle Lapiano
I'm just saying new. I have a feeling like other guests of yours feel the same way. Just saying.

00:31:33 - Jolie Downs
It is like therapy, though. When you have good conversations and you're able to learn from each other, it's just so great. And I can't even believe how much I've learned from my guests. Even just this conversation. Right. It's only been 35 minutes and there's so much packed in this 35 minutes already of just great juicy little tidbits to take into your life. So moving on, you have moved up the ranks to a chief communications officer and really for anyone in the communications, that could be their ultimate goal. How do did you get there or what helped you get there, would you say? Is there any advice you would give people to help move themselves up the corporate ranks?

00:32:12 - Arielle Lapiano
This is funny. I'm sorry. It's even just funny hearing you say that because it makes me feel old.

00:32:21 - Jolie Downs
On the.

00:32:26 - Arielle Lapiano
Am I just no, Bob, sit up. Go back to my husband after we're done. Be like, really? No, we keep going.

00:32:46 - Jolie Downs
But there's a lot of people wanting to make it a chief.

00:32:52 - Arielle Lapiano
How did I get here? Is so interesting. I feel like it was so circuitous with so many of the ups and downs and I think what helped me through it was always seeing the opportunities, even in difficult. I think I've been through like so many people, a lot of crappy situations and I think that through every crappy situation I was like, I'm going to find my way through this. There's going to be some way that I can get through it and also very selfishly work it to my advantage in a way like I'm going to step over other people. I never would do that but feel like in all the situations that were tough, I found a way to help other people out because it's what I naturally wanted to do, right? And I also found a way to make it work for me. That's awesome. One of my favorite animals are polar bears.

00:34:08 - Jolie Downs
Okay. Why? I'm curious. I love polar bears, but tell me why you love them.

00:34:12 - Arielle Lapiano
I mean, I really love them just because they're big, white and fluffy. And there's something I think amazing about them being, like, massive, but so cute. Okay, so that's like again, that was my three year old answer.

00:34:35 - Jolie Downs
Yeah, go ahead.

00:34:37 - Arielle Lapiano
My 48 and a half year old answer to it is that I've learned to appreciate polar bears more as an adult because they thrive in really difficult environments.

00:34:49 - Jolie Downs
Right.

00:34:50 - Arielle Lapiano
And that's what I feel like I've been able to do. And so I think that that's what was integral to my success, like, seeing that, being in a difficult situation and saying, you know what? I'm going to find a way to thrive just like the polar bear. I learned, too. Polar bears are really good at walking on thin ice.

00:35:17 - Jolie Downs
I didn't know that there would have to be it makes sense. But.

00:35:23 - Arielle Lapiano
They'Ve adapted their claws and they have special things on the bottom of their paws to help them do that. I mean, there's massive yeah, that's like, okay, I'm a small, little woman. I have the opposite problem. I've had to make myself big in my world. Super tiny. I'm like this big jolie on a podcast. But imagine Leah, like a little Lego.

00:36:03 - Jolie Downs
I'm really short, too.

00:36:05 - Arielle Lapiano
Yeah, I'm, like, so drunk. You sound tall. I had to work to make myself big, and I had to work to be okay with who I am. And I'm still working on so not listening to the people that were like, you need to go in and don't be funny and don't do this and don't do that. I've had to sort of eschew some.

00:36:36 - Jolie Downs
Of that.

00:36:38 - Arielle Lapiano
And rather really figure out again how I can make the situation work for me individually. It's like you have to trust yourself at the end of the day and take what other people tell you with a greatness I'd say, like, got to chief by trusting myself, but also being really smart about understanding my environment. Like going back to my polar bear thing, is the ice thin? Is it really cold? Who are my adversaries here? Who are going to be my understanding the environment has been so incredibly important and then walking carefully on the ice.

00:37:31 - Jolie Downs
Yeah, well, it's really interesting because I've noticed throughout your story and talking, you've talked a lot in different aspects about just when you have the struggles, finding that opportunity, whatever situation that comes across, you try to find that opportunity and make it work for you. And to me, I see that as a superpower. Absolutely. A superpower that you carry with you in life because any situation can be good or bad depending on the perspective that you bring to it. And even situations that inherently feel very bad immediately. I mean, we know these situations that are just really hard times in life. Even with those, there can always be. Some kind of gift that can be found if you go looking for it, if you go and try and make it work for you like you do. So I just want to applaud you for that. Awesome. That's very cool. And then as far as a chief communications officer who hires people and who is bringing people up through the ranks, what do you look for in someone that you want to promote into higher levels?

00:38:36 - Arielle Lapiano
Yeah, that's another really interesting question. That something I've never thought about before. So I'd say, first of all, that it's hard for me not to think about passion or interest, and that's a little bit of my own personal bias. But passion is so important for me for somebody to believe in what they're doing and they're selling. So I feel like a lot of people, myself included, probably at some point talk about how they want to be a leader. And it's a very common thing with I feel like a lot of people say this about millennials, but let's be honest, I think it was probably true about many of our contemporaries, too. Like, I want to be a manager. I want to be a director. And what I'm looking for are the people that are not wanting to do that are already doing that. It's already, like, part of how they're behaving day taking care of the people around you is, to me, part of that.

00:39:58 - Jolie Downs
Right.

00:39:58 - Arielle Lapiano
And so important. So I'm looking for people that are already acting like a leader. And to me, that's not it's. Bossing people know. Look at how great I am at doing this, which is what, unfortunately, a lot of people.

00:40:16 - Jolie Downs
Yeah. Yep.

00:40:18 - Arielle Lapiano
But the people that are coming to me and know Jackie did an amazing job, this project, and I'm wondering if we can include her in this other thing that we have or hey, have you thought about maybe we should really include Jill in this call that's going on? It's like those little things like that when people are reminding me that I should be including others, that's what I'm always paying attention. I also appreciate because we don't remember everything, and I've got a person worse at that.

00:41:05 - Jolie Downs
We can all relate to that, but I love that, noticing how people are helping lift others up. Those are the people that you want to promote yourself. Yes. You want lifters. That's who we all want in our organizations. I mean, successful companies are only successful because they are run by successful people are doing things. So we want the best people possible. Now, I like this question because I just feel like we get a lot of bad advice at times in life. And I'm curious if you were given any advice from an authority figure or someone important in your life that you actually had to then go relearn later on in life.

00:41:47 - Arielle Lapiano
Fortunately, yeah. I'm still upset about it. I think, like, you asking it I'm getting upset again because I had a boss who was a micromanager, and I don't realize that she was a micromanager at the time, but the problem was that I had a team and that she wanted me to micromanage my team for her. It was like a sort of micromanaging cascade.

00:42:20 - Jolie Downs
Yeah. No, I cannot handle.

00:42:23 - Arielle Lapiano
And I still feel so bad to the people that worked with me during that period of time. And I think I've apologized to a couple of them, too. That's awesome. But I'm so sad that I worked for somebody like that and that I let her influence my leadership style.

00:42:50 - Jolie Downs
Right.

00:42:51 - Arielle Lapiano
The only sort of silver lining is, hopefully the people that work for me and were slightly micromanaged for a short period of time have not sort of.

00:43:01 - Jolie Downs
Continued that's something goal.

00:43:03 - Arielle Lapiano
Yeah. And again, just the silver lining is I am now the opposite of a micro, and I will never let it to me again. And I will never let anybody that works for me do that to other people. I have micromanager spidey senses.

00:43:27 - Jolie Downs
Totally know what you mean.

00:43:28 - Arielle Lapiano
Yeah, exactly. Doing that, john. I'm cured of that. But I'm still really sad that that was part of my story.

00:43:41 - Jolie Downs
Yeah. It's more prevalent than you would think. It's more prevalent than it absolutely should be. I can tell you this. And as a recruiter, this is a very big reason why people leave their companies. The micromanagement is not a thriving atmosphere for corporations, if any. Hiring manager. Listen, micromanaging is killing your creativity. It is killing your success. Not helping it. So thank you for sharing that. That's really big. Now, I'm curious because you mentioned that you were thinking about coaching. Are you going into coaching? Is this something like if people are listening?

00:44:19 - Arielle Lapiano
I mean, I'm here, I'm with you. I'm doing fantastic.

00:44:26 - Jolie Downs
You guys heard it here first. Arielle is going into coaching. So if you're looking for some executive coaching, this is your woman. She has been doing this with all of the executives. She's been through all of the things. Yes. I'm really excited for you. I think that's going to be amazing. Has there been any kind of book or talk or video, something that's really impacted your life that you think other people should read or listen to as well?

00:44:54 - Arielle Lapiano
I'd love to sit here. The media trainer in me. Right. It's like, tell her about reading my impressive. But the reality is that I'd say that if there was anything that's inspired me throughout my life, the Et.

00:45:26 - Jolie Downs
Okay. Why? Love that movie.

00:45:28 - Arielle Lapiano
Why? Again, because I think the most important thing in life is to be good to other people. And little Et says at the end to Elliot, like, be good, joke a lot. I joke a lot. I've got my best business advice and life advice from an Elliot.

00:45:51 - Jolie Downs
I love that so much.

00:45:55 - Arielle Lapiano
And also, going back, my dad told me before my first day at work, he said, Be nice to everyone. Be nice to everyone. From the guy that delivers your mail to the receptionist, to the people that are working in C suite. And that served me, really. And I just feel like if everybody did, how much better would our world be?

00:46:28 - Jolie Downs
Oh, amazing.

00:46:29 - Arielle Lapiano
Watch Et and be good. Very humble. Simple vice.

00:46:39 - Jolie Downs
I love it. It's my favorite. Thank you. So, wrapping up. Last question. What are you sure of in life?

00:46:50 - Arielle Lapiano
Again, like, these questions. I feel like there should be, like, a tissue here provided for me. I am sure that things that matter are so small, yet big. The things that matter at the end of the day, to me are my family being loved, having fun, and not LinkedIn, whether I wrote a book or not. Although it's, like, awesome that people are writing books. You include it, but at the end of the day, it's like the simple little thing, right?

00:47:37 - Jolie Downs
Thank you. I completely agree. Ariellele, this has been so much fun. Thank you for joining us.

00:47:41 - Arielle Lapiano
Thank you so much for having me.